More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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