I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All the doctor said was why
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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