Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
