i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
don't judge my taste in strippers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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