im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
