He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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