I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
whose parrot is this?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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