Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
