Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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