You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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