It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
