just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
