where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
