i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
