I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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