i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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