I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
