yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
