yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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