I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
