dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
