it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
