I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
