all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
