I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
