Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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