I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
