When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
