My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize