ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
