my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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