dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
