For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
