Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
