I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
