Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
