So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
