can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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