I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
