He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
