I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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