i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
