he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Mom said you looked used
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
