My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
