I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
