Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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