I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
