Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
