we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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