Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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