There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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