she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
