I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
