wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
