i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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